Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Kismet
A woman was doing 90 on a country road, when a cop pulled her over and said, "Young lady, I've been waiting for you all day."
"I'm sorry, Officer," she said. "I got here as fast as I could."
"I'm sorry, Officer," she said. "I got here as fast as I could."
At the beginning of the summer, I visited an old coworker who retired last year. She lives in a luxurious lakefront apartment with her husband who is also retired. Over dinner, they recounted the full unabridged story of their romance:
When they were young, Orrin's mother married Gwen's uncle. Since they were around the same age, they were very close growing up. Gwen fielded Orrin's girlfriends and Orrin introduced Gwen to her first husband - one of his fraternity brothers. They fell out of touch with one another sometime after college, when their lives and careers pulled them to opposite ends of the country.
Life went on: marriages, divorces, kids... Several years later, Gwen contacted Orrin to invite him to her mother's 86th birthday celebration. Orrin wasn't able to attend the gathering, but they kept in touch from that point on. This time, their friendship evolved into a passionate love affair and they married in 2004.
Life went on: marriages, divorces, kids... Several years later, Gwen contacted Orrin to invite him to her mother's 86th birthday celebration. Orrin wasn't able to attend the gathering, but they kept in touch from that point on. This time, their friendship evolved into a passionate love affair and they married in 2004.
Gwen and Orrin's story struck a chord in my cold little technoheart. They met each other at a young age, spent their lives as friends, and fell in love in the latter part of their lifetime. I cannot think of a more powerful example of true love.
I believe in "The One." I believe that one person in this world exists solely for me. I don't believe that everyone finds their "one," or even that those who do stay with that person forever, but I do believe that such a person exists and that they will make me exuberantly happy for as long as they are a part of my life. Sometimes, in my darkest and loneliest moments, I think of my "one." Whoever he is, I know that he's out there; I hope he knows that I'm out there too.
I like to believe that we're both on our way, running toward that moment where our lives converge. We're running as fast as we can... and when we collide, it'll be kismet.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The College Experience
I met Marc when I was in high school during a brief stint in retail over the winter break. He worked in a different department than I did, but we saw each other often enough to strike up a friendship. Marc was a big flirt and he always had a bevy of ladies at his side, ready to laugh at his jokes and shower him with their affections. Marc and I flirted all the time and though I really liked him, our relationship never went beyond innocent flirting. After the Christmas holiday, new schedules meant little to no interaction between us. Marc and I fell out of touch completely after I quit in March.
Fast forward a couple years, and I was a few weeks into my first quarter as a college freshman. As luck would have it, I bumped into Marc one night on my way home. He instantly recognized me and we exchanged numbers before parting ways. I soon learned that Marc was a junior at the same university and we used this newly discovered proximity to see more of each other. We hung out mostly around campus - a lunch here and there, a couple school functions, and even a few parties. Marc was the typical college guy: playful, easygoing, and non-comittal.
Fast forward a couple years, and I was a few weeks into my first quarter as a college freshman. As luck would have it, I bumped into Marc one night on my way home. He instantly recognized me and we exchanged numbers before parting ways. I soon learned that Marc was a junior at the same university and we used this newly discovered proximity to see more of each other. We hung out mostly around campus - a lunch here and there, a couple school functions, and even a few parties. Marc was the typical college guy: playful, easygoing, and non-comittal.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
An Intriguing Start
Monday, June 14, 2010 at 3:03am
Subject: Your shout out to the chunky guys in Chicago intrigued me...
So while it's 2:30 on a Sunday night and I'm watching some tv and browsing the internet until it lulls me to sleep, I figured, why not respond?
My name is Beau, and I am most definitely a "man of stature," at 6'5" and around 300lbs...which no one believes when I tell them. My frame allows me to carry the weight around well. There's the important stats out of the way.
I love cars, blues music, and entertaining. I work as a host/server at one of the city's famous comedy theatres that is an awesome gig which coincides with my love of improvising.
I share the same views on women as you do on men, in that I have no idea what attracts a person to a bag of bones. It is a mystery that I am not wasting any time on trying to solve.
Like I said, your post has intrigued me, which is why I felt compelled to respond, which is what I hope my response inspires you to do in turn, because you sound like someone who would be interesting to get to know.
I hope this finds you well, and I hope you had a good weekend.
Sincerely,
Beau
Monday, June 14, 2010 at 10:58am
Subject: Your shout out to the chunky guys in Chicago intrigued me...
Dear Beau,
Initially, the purpose of my post was solely to comment on society's impossible demands for physical perfection and the mental damage it is doing to men in our communities. I've been bombarded with emails from men expressing their appreciation and gratitude for the post. Someone even sent me a porn vid of themselves, can you believe that? CREEPY!
Your response was intriguing for a couple reasons. I also love blues music and jazz. I love Eric Clapton, B.B. King, and Buddy Guy. I also love Billie Holiday, Sarah Vaughn, and Ella Fitzgerald. B.B. King's daughter, Shirley King does a set most Wednesday nights at this bar I frequent called The Joynt. You should check it out. I think you might enjoy it.
I also like comedy theatres and I'm tempted to guess that you work at Second City. If I'm right, then we may have seen each other before. I took a comedic writing course last fall and caught a few shows. I'm tempted to go back and take an Improv class. I think that would be fun.
I have all these questions but I don't want this email to get too long so I'll ask one more question and be done: How old are you?
Kindly,
Ms. Technoheart
Subject: Your shout out to the chunky guys in Chicago intrigued me...
So while it's 2:30 on a Sunday night and I'm watching some tv and browsing the internet until it lulls me to sleep, I figured, why not respond?
My name is Beau, and I am most definitely a "man of stature," at 6'5" and around 300lbs...which no one believes when I tell them. My frame allows me to carry the weight around well. There's the important stats out of the way.
I love cars, blues music, and entertaining. I work as a host/server at one of the city's famous comedy theatres that is an awesome gig which coincides with my love of improvising.
I share the same views on women as you do on men, in that I have no idea what attracts a person to a bag of bones. It is a mystery that I am not wasting any time on trying to solve.
Like I said, your post has intrigued me, which is why I felt compelled to respond, which is what I hope my response inspires you to do in turn, because you sound like someone who would be interesting to get to know.
I hope this finds you well, and I hope you had a good weekend.
Sincerely,
Beau
Monday, June 14, 2010 at 10:58am
Subject: Your shout out to the chunky guys in Chicago intrigued me...
Dear Beau,
Initially, the purpose of my post was solely to comment on society's impossible demands for physical perfection and the mental damage it is doing to men in our communities. I've been bombarded with emails from men expressing their appreciation and gratitude for the post. Someone even sent me a porn vid of themselves, can you believe that? CREEPY!
Your response was intriguing for a couple reasons. I also love blues music and jazz. I love Eric Clapton, B.B. King, and Buddy Guy. I also love Billie Holiday, Sarah Vaughn, and Ella Fitzgerald. B.B. King's daughter, Shirley King does a set most Wednesday nights at this bar I frequent called The Joynt. You should check it out. I think you might enjoy it.
I also like comedy theatres and I'm tempted to guess that you work at Second City. If I'm right, then we may have seen each other before. I took a comedic writing course last fall and caught a few shows. I'm tempted to go back and take an Improv class. I think that would be fun.
I have all these questions but I don't want this email to get too long so I'll ask one more question and be done: How old are you?
Kindly,
Ms. Technoheart
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Eureka!
I can't remember the dream I had. All I remember about that cloudy Sunday morning is springing out of bed and reaching for my laptop. The following entry was posted on Craig's List Missed Connections on Sunday, June 13th:
To All the Chunky Guys in Chicago - w4m
You are by far my favorite! Put down your gym bag, hang up those unnecessary insecurities, and let me love you and appreciate you for what you are - a chunky man!
Why do six-packs and small frames get all the hype?! I'd take meat and potatoes over a bag of bones any day!
There you stand, 5'10" plus with your big ass, generous thighs, and solid build. You drive me absolutely insane! Don't you see how flustered I become when you sit next to me on the train or how I stutter when exchanging pleasantries on the elevator? It's all your doing, you sexy beast!
Seeing a ring on your finger incites the greenest of envies. Your wife is a lucky girl!
If you're single, please call Bally's RIGHT NOW and cancel your membership. Tell them that there's a woman out there looking for a little extra weight on her man and that every pound counts. Let me kiss those insecurities away and show you just how much you turn me on.
Must have been one hell of a dream, don't you think?! I wish I remembered it!
I don't know what the motivation was behind that post. What's more, I had absolutely no clue how it would be received by the Craig's List audience. I just felt compelled to write, bringing a month-long writing drought to a close. The words flowed naturally and steadily from my brain, to my fingers, to Craig's List itself. I was done within five minutes.
It was that five-minute burst of uninhibited free writing that led me to Beau...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Writer's Block
I've been thinking a lot about this blog recently. I enjoy writing about my dating life. I enjoy writing period. I articulate my thoughts best when I write them out first, developing my voice somewhere in the midst of the editing process.
When speaking in public, I always rely heavily on a written script. Don't get me wrong, I think the delivery is also important, but that's a performance. It's the meat, the substance that truly captures my interest.
I've had the worst case of writer's block the last few weeks. Two drafts have been sitting in my post listing for about a month now. I curse them every time I glimpse over and see the word draft beside the title. I've come to the conclusion that the reason these two posts have never gone anywhere is because I'm not really in love with the stories they tell.
So, while the story of Fat, Sloppy, Mean, One-Minute Marc may be entertaining for some, I am sorry to say that this post will be placed on the backburner for now.
When speaking in public, I always rely heavily on a written script. Don't get me wrong, I think the delivery is also important, but that's a performance. It's the meat, the substance that truly captures my interest.
I've had the worst case of writer's block the last few weeks. Two drafts have been sitting in my post listing for about a month now. I curse them every time I glimpse over and see the word draft beside the title. I've come to the conclusion that the reason these two posts have never gone anywhere is because I'm not really in love with the stories they tell.
So, while the story of Fat, Sloppy, Mean, One-Minute Marc may be entertaining for some, I am sorry to say that this post will be placed on the backburner for now.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
New Year's Resolutions
Invariably, any conversation you have from December twenty-sixth through December thirty-first of every year will gravitate towards a discussion about New Year's resolutions. I hate New Year's resolutions. I never stick to them and I suspect that this also applies to the vast majority of people who adopt resolutions as well.
In December 2008, instead of creating a list of resolutions, I thought of a general mantra by which to live my life in the upcoming year. 2007 and 2008 had been rough, so my goal for 2009 was to break free from all of the things that were keeping me down and holding me back – it was time to get mine. "GET MINE IN '09!”
2009 was nothing short of spectacular. I took a comedic writing course at Second City, something I had always wanted to try. In the thick of the economic recession, I quit my steady job at a labor union to pursue an unpaid internship at a Senator's office for three months. Consciously deciding to not pay my bills for a quarter of a year was the most terrifying decision I could make and yes, it was also the most liberating. The internship was a blast! I met new people, had fun despite my limited resources, and lived a carefree life temporarily.
I returned to my old job in late December once the internship ended. Sitting at my desk one quiet afternoon, I thought about the incredible year I'd had. What was beyond getting mine in '09? How could I extend that mantra into the upcoming year?
I created a new list of goals and as expected, my list was quite ambitious. "How in the world am I going to find time for a love life," I asked myself as I reviewed my list. "Well actually, why would you need one," said a little voice inside my head. "Frankly, if you did without men in 20-10 you could get everything accomplished."
Wait, that's it! "No Men in 20-10!” Not that I wouldn't make an exception if the right guy came along, but why not just take some time to focus on other things?
In December 2008, instead of creating a list of resolutions, I thought of a general mantra by which to live my life in the upcoming year. 2007 and 2008 had been rough, so my goal for 2009 was to break free from all of the things that were keeping me down and holding me back – it was time to get mine. "GET MINE IN '09!”
2009 was nothing short of spectacular. I took a comedic writing course at Second City, something I had always wanted to try. In the thick of the economic recession, I quit my steady job at a labor union to pursue an unpaid internship at a Senator's office for three months. Consciously deciding to not pay my bills for a quarter of a year was the most terrifying decision I could make and yes, it was also the most liberating. The internship was a blast! I met new people, had fun despite my limited resources, and lived a carefree life temporarily.
I returned to my old job in late December once the internship ended. Sitting at my desk one quiet afternoon, I thought about the incredible year I'd had. What was beyond getting mine in '09? How could I extend that mantra into the upcoming year?
I created a new list of goals and as expected, my list was quite ambitious. "How in the world am I going to find time for a love life," I asked myself as I reviewed my list. "Well actually, why would you need one," said a little voice inside my head. "Frankly, if you did without men in 20-10 you could get everything accomplished."
Wait, that's it! "No Men in 20-10!” Not that I wouldn't make an exception if the right guy came along, but why not just take some time to focus on other things?
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