An Intriguing Start

Monday, June 14, 2010 at 3:03am
Subject: Your shout out to the chunky guys in Chicago intrigued me...

So while it's 2:30 on a Sunday night and I'm watching some tv and browsing the internet until it lulls me to sleep, I figured, why not respond?

My name is Beau, and I am most definitely a "man of stature," at 6'5" and around 300lbs...which no one believes when I tell them. My frame allows me to carry the weight around well. There's the important stats out of the way.

I love cars, blues music, and entertaining. I work as a host/server at one of the city's famous comedy theatres that is an awesome gig which coincides with my love of improvising.

I share the same views on women as you do on men, in that I have no idea what attracts a person to a bag of bones. It is a mystery that I am not wasting any time on trying to solve.

Like I said, your post has intrigued me, which is why I felt compelled to respond, which is what I hope my response inspires you to do in turn, because you sound like someone who would be interesting to get to know.

I hope this finds you well, and I hope you had a good weekend.

Sincerely,
Beau

Monday, June 14, 2010 at 10:58am
Subject: Your shout out to the chunky guys in Chicago intrigued me...

Dear Beau,

Initially, the purpose of my post was solely to comment on society's impossible demands for physical perfection and the mental damage it is doing to men in our communities. I've been bombarded with emails from men expressing their appreciation and gratitude for the post. Someone even sent me a porn vid of themselves, can you believe that? CREEPY!

Your response was intriguing for a couple reasons. I also love blues music and jazz. I love Eric Clapton, B.B. King, and Buddy Guy. I also love Billie Holiday, Sarah Vaughn, and Ella Fitzgerald. B.B. King's daughter, Shirley King does a set most Wednesday nights at this bar I frequent called The Joynt. You should check it out. I think you might enjoy it.

I also like comedy theatres and I'm tempted to guess that you work at Second City. If I'm right, then we may have seen each other before. I took a comedic writing course last fall and caught a few shows. I'm tempted to go back and take an Improv class. I think that would be fun.

I have all these questions but I don't want this email to get too long so I'll ask one more question and be done: How old are you?

Kindly,
Ms. Technoheart

Eureka!

I can't remember the dream I had. All I remember about that cloudy Sunday morning is springing out of bed and reaching for my laptop. The following entry was posted on Craig's List Missed Connections on Sunday, June 13th:

To All the Chunky Guys in Chicago - w4m

You are by far my favorite! Put down your gym bag, hang up those unnecessary insecurities, and let me love you and appreciate you for what you are - a chunky man!

Why do six-packs and small frames get all the hype?! I'd take meat and potatoes over a bag of bones any day!

There you stand, 5'10" plus with your big ass, generous thighs, and solid build. You drive me absolutely insane! Don't you see how flustered I become when you sit next to me on the train or how I stutter when exchanging pleasantries on the elevator? It's all your doing, you sexy beast!

Seeing a ring on your finger incites the greenest of envies. Your wife is a lucky girl!

If you're single, please call Bally's RIGHT NOW and cancel your membership. Tell them that there's a woman out there looking for a little extra weight on her man and that every pound counts. Let me kiss those insecurities away and show you just how much you turn me on.

Must have been one hell of a dream, don't you think?! I wish I remembered it!

I don't know what the motivation was behind that post. What's more, I had absolutely no clue how it would be received by the Craig's List audience. I just felt compelled to write, bringing a month-long writing drought to a close. The words flowed naturally and steadily from my brain, to my fingers, to Craig's List itself. I was done within five minutes.

It was that five-minute burst of uninhibited free writing that led me to Beau...

Writer's Block

I've been thinking a lot about this blog recently. I enjoy writing about my dating life. I enjoy writing period. I articulate my thoughts best when I write them out first, developing my voice somewhere in the midst of the editing process.

When speaking in public, I always rely heavily on a written script. Don't get me wrong, I think the delivery is also important, but that's a performance. It's the meat, the substance that truly captures my interest.

I've had the worst case of writer's block the last few weeks. Two drafts have been sitting in my post listing for about a month now. I curse them every time I glimpse over and see the word draft beside the title. I've come to the conclusion that the reason these two posts have never gone anywhere is because I'm not really in love with the stories they tell.

So, while the story of Fat, Sloppy, Mean, One-Minute Marc may be entertaining for some, I am sorry to say that this post will be placed on the backburner for now.