Toxicity

Although I was fulfilled emotionally, the sex with Mr. Ed continued to be atrocious, disgusting, terrifying bad. I asked guy friends for advice, consulted sex books, and attempted to get Mr. Ed to talk about his problem. It was in one of our discussions that I learned a groundbreaking truth: While Mr. Ed had sworn that he wanted an independent woman at the start of the relationship, it was my independence itself that emasculated him, causing the dysfunction in the bedroom.

Looking back, I should have ended our relationship right then and there. I was absolutely horrified at the notion of being someone's housewife and even more petrified at the thought of settling on a life that was not at all what I wanted. But how do you tell someone that they're not "The One?" That while they didn't do anything in particular to merit it, you want to end the relationship? How do you tell someone that you think you deserve more than what they are able to offer?

I felt that Mr. Ed would never understand me wanting to end things over our massive ideological differences. In his mind, differing ideologies was a pretext meant solely to conceal the actual reason for my unhappiness - his inability to please me sexually. But in reality, his penis was just one of many shortcomings.

While we both grew up in rough neighborhoods, Mr. Ed was never able to get out of the ghetto mentally and that, to me, was the biggest source of contention. He ran back to the west side every chance he got, having a couple run-ins with the cops along the way. We were never able to solve disagreements by having rational discussions but rather by raising our voices and hurling disrespectful obscenities and painful insults at one another.

Mr. Ed also didn't understand my sense of humor. A large number of our arguments were generated from misinterpreted sarcasm. I found myself having to dumb things down for him thus reinforcing his feelings of being emasculated.

The more I spent time with him, the more I disengaged from the relationship. Mr. Ed of course, was quite the opposite; the more we saw each other, the more he talked about a life together. Not being able to find a way out myself, I did the next best thing - I tried to make Mr. Ed break up with me. I turned into a cold-hearted bitch, mercilessly kicking him out of my apartment or not talking to him for months at a time. I told Mr. Ed I had been honest about not wanting a serious relationship and that if he chose to stick around, that was his problem. The straw that broke the camel's back was fairly minor, but Mr. Ed had finally had enough and he broke up with me.